I haven’t had much to say lately.

So, I’ve let the weeds grow up around this space on the web.
Cobwebs are hanging.
Windows are busted.
A good dusting could be in order.
Like any other haunted house at the beginning of November.

It’s not that I haven’t wanted to write more.
I have.

But for some reason, words don’t seem to come as easily as a few months ago.

Maybe it’s because I’ve pulled away from friends.
Maybe it’s because I’m getting restless here.
Maybe it’s because I put too much pressure on myself to come up with something worth reading.

Whatever the reason, I don’t like the place I’m in.

I’m trying to find out who I am, really.
I’m trying to find out what my purpose and passion are.
And it’s hard to do that when everyone around you has a certain idea of your identity.

I guess I’ve always been put into a certain kind of mold.
And I’ve never really broken out of that.
Whatever you think I am, to you, that’s what I’ll try to be.

Whether it’s really who I am or not.
Because I can’t bear to disappoint anyone.

I’ve been doing that for so long, that even here at 27 years old, I struggle to know which version of me I really am.
It really seems I should have figured most of this out by the time I got of college.
That’s usually how that works, right?

Am I really some kind of combination of what you all know, or is all of this an act?

What about you?
Do you struggle with knowing who you really are?
or am I the only one?

Peace and love.

6 thoughts on “Identity.

  1. You’re definitely not the only one.

    I don’t have much for advice, but I can say this… the time that I’ve always been the most myself is when I’m traveling alone. Especially in a foreign country. For some reason that works for me. Interacting with strangers, not worrying about anybody else, and free from the baggage of normal life.

    That’s where I go when I’m feeling like this.

  2. Oh my gosh, I struggle with this all the time! I know just how you feel. I didn’t figure it out during college either. I don’t have any advice at all, but know that you’re not alone.

  3. I’ve been exactly where you are. I married young and had twins two years later. At 28 I was struggling to keep my head above water. I was overwhelmed, anxious and depressed and didn’t know how to dig out of the hole that I was in. God led me to a dear lady that counseled me (I had a lot of baggage from childhood). The biggest thing that changed was I began to learn who I was in Him and had to get to the point where I believed that it only mattered what He thought about me and not anyone else. I had always been a people pleaser and looking back believe that I was a bit like a chameleon. I tried to be whoever I thought the person I was with wanted me to be. When I made the decision that it was just about me and the Lord, I had to trust that He would bring the people into my life that He desired to be there. I understood that some people would leave my life and for a while I felt friendless, but through walking that out and waiting on the Lord I now have many friendships that He is truly the center of. I hope that helps some. Also, it did take a while after stripping away the old layers, to figure out who I really was, but He will show you.

    A GREAT book is Who I Am in Christ by Neil Anderson.

  4. I’m reading this a little late, but I absolutely feel this way. I feel like I have accomplished so much, yet so little. There are so many things I want to do (and be), but I have no idea where to begin. On this new year’s day, I plan to make several little changes in my life. Maybe they’ll have some big results. I MUST remember to allow God to guide me.

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